Thoughts from the Basement

So, I feel like at this point, our society has differentiated being 'grown up' from being a 'real person.' Think about it. Technically, at age 21 or 18 even, we are considered adults, grown ups. We no longer talk in hypotheticals about our futures, we talk in majors and graduation dates. We drink alcohol (legally), vote (as soon as we register...getting on that ASAP), we buy cigarettes, watch porn, join the army, and have horizontal drivers licences. But are we really 'real people'? For the most part, many of us are still driving our parent's or a family car with that shiny new sideways licence, drinking in the family basement, or using our parents Internet. We're caught in that awkward stage that Brittney Spears knows so well, not a girl, not yet a woman. We aren't anywhere near self-sufficient, functioning people with rich, diverse life experience, but we also aren't those lanky, acne-ridden, prom-going high school kids either. Basically we're grown ups who haven't entered the real world yet, and, as such you'll hear us refer to a great fear of becoming 'real people' in a few short years (I'm not going to dwell on this sentence, it'll send me spiraling into a panic attack). Anyway, a wonderful group of kiddles and I we were trying to verbalize this concept as we chillaxed in Mrs. Bieber's basement the other night (ohhhh yeah, another nickname. know who you are??). We tried, semi-jokingly, to place various groups of people on the 'real person' scale as an explanation for exactly what the term means. I guess our conclusion was basically when you're out on your own, fending for yourself, living on your own, paying for your own cheerios and ramen, and living in the real, post-college world, that's when you really become a real person. Contrary to what you might think you are right now (for anyone pre-college graduation reading this, anyway) you are not real. You're a floater, a drifter, a figment of the world's imagination.
Anyway, in order to more clearly illustrate what we were saying we tried various groups and evaluated their
membership to the real world. Below is the product of our discussion.

NOTES:

• I really take no issue with Canadians as a whole. hell, they gave us Ryan Reynolds! however, I do tend to use them as the butt of jokes mostly because they, like the French, are really quite good at being joke-butts. Also, as per request from Mrs. Bieber, JBiebs is excluded from this grouping. Mostly because he got a freakin BET award. Damn kid, teach me how to dougie! (not a sexual innuendo, apparently he can dougie really well!)
• fetus is loosely used, if you prefer 'moment of conception' 'embryo' or 'infant' you can substitute them here accordingly, whenever you believe life begins...
• Down there with 'real housewives' are heiresses and college students who transition directly into marrying a rich spouse and tanning all day for the rest of their lives. Also reality TV stars (YES SNOOKIE I MEAN YOU)
• There is no category for 'millionaires' or even rich people in general, because as discussed at length, raising your children well in a wealthy family can keep them very grounded and hardworking. And self-made millionaires are obviously good enough to get there....
• The one that was difficult to place was inmates. I haven't decided if they should be very high or very low on the scale. Because on the one hand, some real shit has happened in their lives, on the other they might not be the brightest tools in the shed. Like rich people, they must be examined on a case-by-case basis for realness.
• In regards to the last one: click here. Kicking someones head off is as real as it gets.
• Before college, high school students experience a sudden drop in realness, also called 'senioritis' It's a beautiful thing.