The Shit I Deal With

So, I'm in charge of a parade float in our community's parade (I'm being ambiguous to avoid naming-names) but basically its semi-mandatory for freshman and none of them signed up so a fairly firm email went out by powers higher than myself telling them to email me to sign up. And let me tell you, the sauce those frosh have in 'em could season all the pasta in UD. Allow me to demonstrate. (Please note: these are the first emails I am getting from them and do not know any of them)

Miss Krysti [my last name, but removed for my privacys sake],

I am contacting you because I would like to sign up to participate in the parade, seeing as it is
mandatory. I have no boots, cowboy hat, nor bandanna.

Yes, 'Miss.' Of course I signed my reply that way. And addressed him/her with Mister/Miss as well. For formalities sake. Of course.

Kristi,

I do not have a cowboy hat or bandana for the parade on Saturday.

Not like my names at the top and bottom of every email I send.

Hi there,

I guess i'm supposed to sign up for the parade. i don't have a cowboy hat. So i guess i'll need that.

I guess so.

Hi,

I'm [insert name], and I'll participate in the parade on Saturday morning.
I have all the necessary apparel except for a cowboy hat.
[insert higher power] emailed everyone and made it sound like this experience was quite mandatory, so I'm 'signing up'.

Note the superfluous quotations marks?

This is gonna be one fun-ass parade. (lol, this makes me laugh because I can't help but thinking of Esmeralda's move-the-dash-over-one trick....)