I love doing personality tests. StumbleUpon always sends me to the best ones, but I think over the course of two years of being a bored, short-attention spanned college student, I've taken my fair share. But you know what's terrifying about personality tests, is when they know more about you than you do. Cause even though you try and not "lie" in any certain terms, but...answer questions the way you WISH you were (ie "Are you a risk taker?" "Hell yeah!" - False- I am a pansy) they always fucking know exactly who you are - more than you do! And the thing is, whenever you get a result that you're like - dang! that's not me at all! then you start freaking out because then it's like "oh snap is this how other people see me? How did I not know I was a micromanaging, predictable shell of a human being? Does everyone else know? Why didn't they say something? Will they still like me?!" It's a terrible anxiety, being personality tested. For example, Misters Myers and Briggs classified me as ENTJ or "The Executive." Now, at first I was like "hellz no bitch, you don't know me! I'm a teacher, a warm-hearted caring, personable - ahh who am I kidding." But I didn't think I was 'an executive' by any means. Then, today I was elbow deep in defrosting fridge because no one else in my room had time to clear out our damn fridge today (love you guyssss) and as I dumped out old congealed coffee, milk, OJ - I'll spare you details - I realized how managerial I can be. Not in a CEO Devil-Wears-Prada kind of way, but more like a mom-ish kind of way. As in our floor would never get vacuumed, trash never get emptied, fridge would be festering with mold by now. Needless to say - MIND BLOWN. Those dang psychologists know me better than I do! So I decided to be honest with myself. And the best way I find to do this is to write (stream of consciousness of course, you know me). Now, ladies and gents, please put away your world's tiniest violins, this is not a cry for help or attention, nor is it an invitation to my own personal pity party (trust me, only one invite goes out for that - Mr. Jack Daniels....KIDDING KIDDING. Alcohol is yucky). But, it's terribly therapeutic to just write shit out. So here goes. This is my inner monologue trying to be honest with itself. Prepare yourself. Actually, in all honesty, you can just skip down to the bottom if you want to. It's kind of just journaling (it's actually quite healthy. Just kind of narcissistic to post it online like I do...)
I micromanage like it's my job. I'm condescending. Small talk annoys the shit out of me I make terrible first iimpressions because I'm terrified people wont like me.I care too much whether or not people like me.I don't know who I am other than a composite of my best friends. I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. I don't know how to flirt. I can't put in contacts because I can't touch my eyes. Taking risks scares the shit out of me and I never do it. I avoid confrontation like the plague. Sometimes I feel like I get walked on all the time. I plan incessantly, I can't just let life come to me. I'm afraid of being a horrible daughter and older sister. Failure terrifies me. I don't want to die alone but other people stress me out. I have no censor on what I say. I lack the patience and perseverance to try anything too hard - like music. I give up too easily. I'm too organized in all the wrong ways and not organized when it counts. I have little patience for others incompetence. I worry far too much. I waste too much time on the Internet. Blogging is my tiny little Internet space where people are just paying attention to me and I relish in that. I can't do anything without a plan. I can't talk to boys. I'm terrible at comforting people when they're crying. Often I think I'm a terrible person to others cause I tend to make most of my jokes at the expense of others. I make more references to YoutTube videos than famous literature. I deal with things by avoiding them. I've been told I give great advice but none of it is firsthand. Meeting new people stresses me out because I don't know what they've heard about me and I don't want to disappoint. I can't be funny when people are expecting it, I just stutter and slur my words. I wonder how much of myself is genuine but stop wondering for fear of the answer. I worry about being alone for the rest of my life. I want to travel so bad. Sometimes I feel small-minded and feadon't want to dream too big for fear not achieving it. I don't wear my hair up because I think I look like a boy. I pretend that I know harmonies to songs, even though I have no idea what I'm talking about. Sometimes I feel like all my classes are common sense, then I feel like a complete asshole. When I do group work I have to be in charge because most other people don't know how to make Power Points. I can't make public speeches because I'm afraid of having everyone in the room judge me at once. I can't stand people with underformed personalities. If you drive me nuts chances are I won't tell you. If I try and be honest with you I'll demand eye contact because I feel like I compliment people so often that sometimes I seem insincere and eye contact is my remedy for that.
Phew! That was oddly refreshing after being cooped up for so long either taking or studying for finals! Moral of the story. Take personality tests, be real with yourself and admit your flaws. Not only is it intensely cleansing, putting them out there for someone or no one to read adds a thrill to the whole thing. My personal favorite personality tests (though I'm no psych major...):
Briggs Myers
The Big Five - as recommended by a psych friend :)
True Colors - use this quiz to get your color and look it up elsewhere, unless you want to buy their book..
