Krysti's How-To Guide for Determining If Someone Has a Soul
Basically it works like this. You (or someone you know) may be lacking a key piece/defining feature of their humanity. How can you tell? Well, someone might be lacking a soul if:
- They do not smile when shown an infant under the age of one. The likely hood of them not having a soul decreases proportionally with the age of the child (ex: not smiling at a 'tween' is acceptable, they're annoying little - never mind, tangent)
- They kick and/or otherwise violently assult any of the following: dolphins, baby seals, puppies, bunnies, kittens.
- They do not like animated movies, specifically Disney movies produced during either the Disney Rennisance (Cinderella through Aladdin) or Disney post-Rennisance periods (Lion King through Tarzan).
- They walk by Girl Scouts selling cookies in the freakin' freezing cold (because January is cookie season!) and completely ignore them, not even a 'No thank you.'
- They are currently or have recently A. been released from Askaban or B. been in/gotten out of a relationship/one night stand with a Dementor
- They throw recyclables into trash cans with recycling bins right next to them ([insert long string of explatives here])
- They do not like those adoable sleeping puppy calendars
Please feel free to condole these people of their great loss and be supportive in their lifestyle choices (not just soullessness, but ALL life choices people)
