Damn it, it makes me mad how true that sentiment is. Like, sometimes there are just things you don't want to miss, and you don't want to think about how great they were. You just want to let things go and let bygones be bygones, ya know? Take tonight, for example. The art building and I have become quite intimately acquainted this weekend, spending long hours together, late at night....it's like I'm having an affair. And tonight, after a particularly quick and messy rendezvous (yes, I'm going there. You know you like it ;]) I left, feeling quite happy and actually regretting that this was probably my last studio class. Last semester, studios were the death of me- not that I love them this semester- but now there's always fun people in the print studio, and people's Pandora's are always playing music I love, and they're so much more light and fun than they ever were. People are always around to offer critiques or swap techniques with, compare music, or give opinions on professors or classes. Just in the past weekend alone I've met and chatted with so many others - slaves to the art department (I would say kindred spirits, but we've sold our souls to the department already) and I'm actually enjoying the time I'm spending working on my prints. And I sketch all the time now! I never kept a sketchbook until I left the major. How fucked up is that!? Of course my secret, latent love of art would emerge once I've filled out the final papers for a one way ticket to Quitsville, USA (apparently whose population is on the rise...). *Sigh* Not that I regret or don't treasure my re-surfacing love of art. In fact, that's the reason I switched majors. If I'm drawing/painting/sculpting/printing it's because I want to. And I've found something that's inspired me to do so. Not because I need to, have been assigned to, or told to. I hate time lines, I hate deadlines, I hate being rushed when I'm drawing. If I'm excited about something I'll do it. If not, I'll procrastinate like it's my job. So I guess I'm glad for my rediscovery. Because for a while, quite honestly, I forgot why I was doing it. I forgot why I would ever draw if not being graded. Why create for no one? When in all honesty, the best type of creation is one done for yourself. That you do whenever you want, show to whoever you want, and do whatever you want with. It's a glorious feeling.
So maybe that's it then, maybe to regain that feeling of love and affection you once had for something, you've got to get away from it. Maybe that god-awful feeling of missing things, or people, is what causes us to come running back to give them a giant bear hug. And you know what? If it's worth it to you, whatever that something is that you let go will welcome you back with open arms. Trust me, I've seen it happen.
Babe, this is for you. You know who you are <3
