Monday, August 2, 2010

As Told By Graphs


True Life.

Just Another Rant

So, you know what I absolutely hate with every fiber of my being right now? Yogurt. It's probably the worst food on the face of the earth besides like, dog. Freakin' nasty. Am I a little salty because three kids in a row spilled their stupid yogurt on me in five minutes? You decide.

Now, before you all jump to the defense of every one's favorite bacterial snack, I want to first, say I will not hear the council for the defense, and secondly this only applies to children's yogurt. Like, all that stupid, artificially colored shit that's supposed to taste like cotton candy and bubblegum and wild water-apple-melon-berry. I don't care that it's healthy and delicious and wonderful for your bowel movement. Save it for Jamie Lee Curtis. Yogurt is, by definition, just a big-ass colony of bacteria fermenting. Lick a toilet seat and save yourself the $1.87 why don't you. And another thing, does it or does it not look just like vomit. If you say 'No, Krysti, you're being ridiculous' then I don't think you've ever had to scrub freaking Trix yogurt out of a lunchbox because believe you me, next time I need some faux throw-up (faux-up?) I'm heading straight for the dairy section of Superfresh. Plus yogurt has the possibly the worst texture in the world. It's like pudding that someone has left out for a little too long on the kitchen counter, kind of a runny, slimy solid. Need I go on?

So that was super-random readers, and I apologise, as you might guess, as well as I concealed it, I am a bit saucy at becoming the next big yogurt-covered snack today at lunchtime. But such is the life of a camp councilor I suppose. Anyway, I'm really running low on things to write about (in case you haven't noticed the lame, link-filled posts lately) so if you'd like to hear me talk about some random topic, lemme know, I'm open to suggestions. Force be with you.