That Drink is a MONSTER

Okay honeys. Today I was introduced to the most wonderful and terrible substance on the planet. And no, its not alcohol or anything illegal. Today, ladies, gentlemen, and non gender conformers (Sheik...I'm talking to you) I had a Monster.

For those of you unfamiliar with our caffinated friend here, basically if you took a can of gasoline, threw it in a blender with old beer, a shot of orange kool-aid, and a cup of powered caffeine you get a Monster energy drink. These puppies can be commonly found in the hands of sleep deprived people, college students, and ravers (that was kind of repetitive, wasn't it?) and most recently: my belly. HOLY MOLEY.

Let. Me. Tell. You. (Mrs. B <3) I drank this thing four hours ago, so my buzz has died down pretty significantly, but before it did I left quite a few voicemails, a facebook video, and had a 30 minute straight one-sided conversation with my roommate. Maybe it was the lack of food in my stomach (I don't know if the same rules for alcohol apply with energy drinks?) but Holy mother of hyperactivity Batman! I was bouncing off the goddamn WALLS. Literally everything I said was at double speed, I made so many lists, danced my way across campus to rehearsal, texted in all caps for two hours, and just PACED. I was so out of control. Oh my lordie. In retrospect I should have just written some long hyper random blog post for you guys but from what I hear, the voicemails and videos left were pretty funny as well, just for their respective audience rather than the general public. Whatever. Now that I've gotten started some of the jitters are starting to come back, not gonna lie.

I suppose I should have a point to writing this ("oh good, something new and different for you" you say, "stfu" I say), so I'll make it a product review. As far as taste is concerned, it tastes exactly like you would guess from my prior description. But once you drink it for a little bit the taste kind of burns itself on your tongue and you kind of become numb to it. It looks, tastes, and smells gross but damn it all to hell IT WORKS. My recommendation is to wait until the inevitable and the Monster truck (literally a small monster truck with the Monster logo on it) comes to your campus (keep an eye out around finals/any major events on campus) - trust me, if it comes here I'm sure it comes to your school - grab one, try one. But I'm putting it out there right now. DO NOT TRY TO FUNCTION FOR HOURS AFTER.