Teach Your Children MANNERS

So, seeing as a good portion of my mouth is numb and I'm unable to speak properly (as in, I can't make the 'B' sound right about now...) since my visit to the dentist, I'm going to give you all some insight into one of the few things I would say I'm pretty damn well qualified to tell you about: children. Specifically, the childcare industry as seen from the vantage point of a four year employee of said industry. Now, before you call me out on not having any idea what kids are like, not being a parent, etc. let me tell you, aside from parenting I've done it all, summer camp, daycare, babysitting, the works. Infants, teenagers, one kid, twenty kids...let's suffice to say I've changed hundreds of diapers, been peed on, bled on, kicked, punched, screamed at, and that's all in a days work. Not that I don't love working with kids, I do. But days like today remind me why a great majority of the population don't.

Simply put, kids have no manners. None. One out of every ten says please or thank you, fewer than that listen when told to sit down, be quiet, listen to the instructions to a new game. I understand kids will be kids, but that phrase (much like the phrase 'the customer is always right') does not give children the green light to be little terrors. Kids are always learning, and to some extent need to blow off the rules and learn for themselves why they're there. Everything is an experience that shapes their view of the world forever, and I get that. But when you raise a child that can blatantly look into the eyes of their teacher/councilor/etc. and feed them a boldface lie, or outright disobey the instructions that have not even left their mouths yet, that's a problem. So, here's another Krysti-List

What to Teach Your Children So That They Aren't the Ones Their Teacher/Councilor/Babysitter Tells Horror Stories About Later

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  Name-calling and bullying is unacceptable. I don't care if the little girl sitting next to you has the hairiest upper lip you've ever seen and is eating paste and crackers, leave her the hell alone.
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  DON'T TOUCH OTHER PEOPLE! What kind of house were you raised in that makes you think it's alright to grab a kid three grades younger by the throat and drag them around?!
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  Listen to instructions. If I made a list of all the sentences I say in any given day working with kids in any setting, it would consist of maybe seven phrases, each repeated about 134 times. Not listening wastes time, annoys others, and gives your councilors headaches.
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  Your teacher/councilor should not know you're name during the first week of school/camp. It's never a good thing.
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  A little scratch isn't the end of the world. Teach your kids the difference between actual injury and you blowing every little fall way out of proportion with your reaction. My psych teacher was great about this with her daughter. Let your child gauge their pain without looking to you for a response. That way councilors/teachers/nurses won't have to wade through a hundred 'Ow my hand hurts' to find the one actual injury. Because children react differently to injury, the melodramatic ones throw off an authority figures' ability to identify real problems.
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  For the love of all things Gaga, teach your children not to be such whiners. All I hear, every activity we do, is whining!! Okay, I get it, you don't like tennis baseball, FINE! WE'RE PLAYING BOMBARDMENT NEXT SO JUST CHILL!
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  Sportsmanship. I literally have to yell this at kids (it's one of my seven phrases) a million times a day. If you're out, sit down, don't try and pretend it was a head shot. Don't freaking switch teams because you want to be on the one with the best kid on it, they need to be even. Don't argue a call until we just give up and call them out, that's a bitch move. I understand the need for competition, but at the age our kids are learning it (like, straight out of the womb, basically) they need to learn to control their competitive streak; namely, sportsmanship.
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  General manners. Please and thank you are such magical words. Holding doors, waiting patiently, helping clean up, picking up trash, and helping other campers are the most wonderful things in the world. You don't even understand what I'd give to have all these things happen all the time.

[NOTE: Don't get me wrong, I love my job. I love working with kids, playing with them, talking to them, teaching them, I really do. I just think that, as a blanket statement, kids these days are getting a little unruly.]

Okay, I'm done telling you how to raise your children now, g'night.